Nothing cracks me up more than watching someone try to psychoanalyse you out of your own position, then immediately fold like a cheap suit the moment you push back.
You post something with clear reasoning. You explain your stance. You lay out exactly why you believe what you believe. Then some armchair social media psychologist shows up in your reply like they just discovered Freud, ready to explain to you why you’re wrong about your own thoughts.
“Actually, what you’re really saying is…” No, what I’m really saying is exactly what I fucking said.
“I think you’re just projecting because…” I think you’re just desperate to sound smart by diagnosing strangers on the internet.
“Have you considered that maybe you feel this way because…” Have you considered that maybe I feel this way because I have a functioning brain and came to a reasoned conclusion?
These people love playing therapist until someone turns the analytical lens back on them. They’ll spend paragraphs dissecting your motivations, questioning your reasoning, and explaining why you’re clearly suffering from some cognitive bias or emotional hangup.
But the second you call out their bullshit? The second you point out that maybe their need to constantly correct and analyse others says something about their own insecurities?
“Thank you for pointing that out. I won’t make that mistake again and will keep my comments to myself or people who are interested to hear them.”
Suddenly they’re all humble and reflective. Suddenly they realise that maybe, just maybe, unsolicited psychological analysis isn’t welcome. Suddenly they understand that not every opinion needs their expert commentary.
Where was all that self awareness when they were trying to explain to you why you don’t actually believe what you clearly stated you believe?
It’s the intellectual equivalent of being a tough guy until someone actually steps up to fight.
All that confidence evaporates the moment they encounter someone who won’t just accept their amateur psychology session lying down.
The best part is how they frame their retreat as some kind of enlightened realisation, like they’re taking the high road by shutting up. “I’ll keep my comments to myself” sounds so noble, so mature, so evolved.
What it really means is:
“I can’t handle having my own behaviuor scrutinised the way I was scrutinising yours, so I’m going to act like I’m being considerate while actually just running away from the confrontation I started.”
Here’s a wild and radical idea…
Maybe people are capable of understanding their own positions. Maybe when someone explains their reasoning clearly, you don’t need to dig deeper for hidden psychological motivations. Maybe not every disagreement is an opportunity to practice your internet psychology degree.
And if you’re going to dish out analysis, learn to take it. If you’re going to question other people’s reasoning, be prepared to have your own reasoning questioned. If you’re going to play therapist, don’t cry when someone turns the session around on you.
The internet doesn’t need more amateur psychologists. It needs more people who can engage with ideas without trying to psychoanalyse the person behind them.
Save the couch sessions for people who actually asked for them.
And with all that being said.
Pick up this absolute gem and never lose an argument again
Stephen Walker.