Yes I nearly died (An over exaggeration obviously)
But I had to venture out.
Out in to the chilly wild.
So there I was, staring out my murder shed window at what can only be described as Mother Nature's dandruff attack on our little town here in the UK, realising with mounting horror that I was down to my last bean of coffee. THE LAST BEAN. This is not a drill.
You know that moment in horror movies where the protagonist has to leave their safe space to venture into certain doom?
That was me, except instead of running from zombies, I was running towards the nearest place that provided that sweet sweet caffeine.
Though honestly, without coffee, I AM basically a zombie, so maybe it's the same thing.
Had to layer up like I was preparing for an arctic expedition.
Looked like a caffeinated Randy from A Christmas Story, except with less style and more desperation.
The snow's pretty though.
The kind of pretty that makes you forget it's actually trying to murder you through various forms of frozen water.
Would've been nice to have this theatrical winter wonderland during Christmas, right?
Instead of, you know, NOW, when I have to actually leave my writing cave and risk becoming a human popsicle.
But hey, at least the squirrels are having fun.
Saw one making snow angels earlier. Suspicious behavior if you ask me.
Tomorrow's forecast is looking like the universe decided to install an ice rink everywhere.
If I don't email you back, assume I've fulfilled my destiny as a human bowling ball and am currently sliding my way to the emergency room.
Or maybe I'll evolve and develop crampons instead of feet.
Evolution works that fast when coffee is involved, right?
Right now I'm back in my murder shed, watching the snow fall while clutching my precious beans like Gollum with his ring.
The things we do for coffee, am I right?
As for the new thing?
We're slowly squishing people into that little community I was telling you about. Where I can be a little more in depth than what I can do here.
But for now
Stay warm and vertical Stephen Walker
www.stphnwlkr.com/theleague
P.S. Yes, I'm still not wearing pants. Snow can't defeat my commitment to comfort.
P.P.S. The squirrels have built a snow fortress. Pretty sure they're planning a coup.
P.P.P.S. Send help. Or more coffee. Preferably coffee.