Hey man. It feels like yesterday when we were going on about that stupid dress.
Now here’s another fun little debate that’s popped up on the ‘ol internets…
And Look, I know we usually talk about real stuff. Like your boss who is actually a hairball with a personality or my ongoing battle with existential dread at the grocery store cause I have to fight the old people for the milk at 8am, but I need you to focus up.
Because there’s a debate raging across the internet and it’s just silly fun.
What is it?
100 men vs. 1 gorilla.
Yeah. That one. The one that keeps popping up on Reddit, in group chats, and probably in the background of every failed first date in America.
I mean, this is it: The apex of human intellectual achievement.
Plato’s Republic? Pfft. Try Chad from accounting versus a silverback on a bad hair day.
Here’s the premise, in case you’ve missed the memes (in which case, are you okay?)
100 regular dudes. Not action heroes. Not guys with weird survival skills. Just…guys. The kind who think “hydration” means a third beer.
1 gorilla. Not just any gorilla. The kind of gorilla that could bench press your car and then use your femur as a toothpick.
And the question?
Could those 100 men, unarmed, actually take down the gorilla?
Let’s break it down. Because apparently, I have nothing better to do and neither do you.
Team 100 Men:
“Just dogpile it, bro. Simple math.”
“We’d use tactics, like ants. Or the Avengers, but with more sweat and less charisma.”
“Sheer numbers, man. The gorilla can’t punch everyone at once.”
Team Gorilla:
“Have you seen a gorilla? Google it and then apologise to the concept of hope.”
“One swipe and you’re a human Capri Sun.”
“The gorilla could probably unlock a car door with your ribcage.”
Real-world test?
Gorilla: Allegedly deadlifts cars.
Men: Deadlifts a pizza box if there’s motivation.
Gorilla: Pure rage. No taxes. No rent.
Men: Lose morale the minute someone gets a papercut.
Tactics?
“Zerg Rush”: All 100 men charge at once.
Half trip on their own shoelaces.
The rest become gorilla confetti.
“Surround and Poke”: Try to flank it.
Gorilla spins like a murder blender.
“Sacrifice a Greg”: Distract the gorilla with a Greg.
Greg’s last words: “Tell my memes I love them.”
Honestly, this isn’t Planet of the Apes.
It isn’t Home Alone with 100 Kevin McCallisters.
It’s Battle Royale meets Donkey Kong on bath salts.
So, who wins?
The gorilla. Every time.
The 100 men would realise too late that “strength in numbers” isn’t a cheat code for “immune to getting turned into a human smoothie.”
The only real winners are the internet trolls who keep this debate alive and everyone who gets to watch the chaos unfold from a safe, gorilla free distance.
Is there a moral to the story?
Don’t underestimate gorillas.
Definitely overestimate the stupidity of groups of men online.
And hey, next time I’m bored, I’m starting a “100 toddlers vs. 1 goose” thread.
(The goose is basically a winged demon.)
Alright, that’s my brain dump for the day, I’m out to go get some sun which is a rarity up north.
Let me know which side you’re on, or just join me on Team “Why Are We Like This?”
Stephen Walker
Interesting image for contextual numbers but probably won’t make a difference…
