“You did it. You’ve finally scaled the Everest of modern technobullshit…
Inbox Zero.
And not the fake kind, where you just archive everything and hope no one notices.
No. You fought the beast. You unsubscribed. You purged. You deleted.”
This was the my day. I kept telling myself some wild heroes journey story like above.
At first, it was simple. A couple of newsletters I vaguely remember signing up for when I was a little drunk.
“Oh, I should really read more about productivity hacks,” was a thought I had six months ago…
Just put all of those bullshit emails in the bin.
Then the whole “We Miss You! Here’s 20% Off That Thing You Looked at Once in 2017.”
No, you don’t miss me. You don’t even know me. Delete.
Next was the:
“Your Horoscope Says You Need This Essential Oil Set!”
My horoscope says I need less stress, not a lavender scented pyramid scheme, Barbara.
And don’t even get me started on the brands that think every single click is grounds for a lifelong relationship.
You bought one pair of socks, and suddenly they’re acting like you owe them joint custody of your inbox.
Fuck that noise.
The best though…
Were the ones that played dirty. “Are you sure you want to leave? We’ll stop sending emails, but we’ll miss you!” Oh, spare me the guilt trip, Brenda. You’re a bot.
Okay well it’s not really a love story but I’m sure you get the drift.
I’ve actively been looking for cool people and cool brands to subscribe to, cause who knows? In the future we might do a little joint venture or even just shoot the shit.
This was probably the most adult thing I’ve done on a Friday before sinking a bottle of whiskey.
And I’m going to be extra mega blatant.
Forward this email to someone you know who might like to read some words from your favourite unhinged bearded hobo and tell them to click on this super mega obnoxiously long link here.
They may learn a few things about:
Life
Marketing
Psychology
Writing
Bare knuckle honey badger boxing
Cheese
Stephen Walker