So today in the endless parade of what-the-fuckery that is our modern hellscape…
Funko. Yes, those merchants of dead-eyed vinyl nightmares decided to go full HAM on itch.io because their broken-ass AI copyright system can’t tell its digital ass from its algorithmic elbow.
I’m not anti-ai in a lot of respects. They’re great tools for research amplification and idea generation, however in a lot of the cases…
It’s like giving a toddler a hammer and expecting them to perform brain surgery.
Sure, the toddler might hit something, but that something isn’t gonna be what you want, and somebody’s definitely gonna end up crying or dying. (Probably both)
These corps keep implementing these systems like they’re some magical fix-all solution, like throwing AI at a problem is gonna make it better, when in reality it’s like trying to fix a leaky pipe with bubble gum and thoughts and prayers.
(Pssst. Thoughts and prayers absolutely do not work btw)
And who gets caught in the crossfire?
The indie devs. The little guys. The actual humans making actual things with their actual meat-hands and meat-brains.
You want to know what AI is really doing? It’s not “getting smarter.” It’s getting better at being confidently wrong while wearing a tie.
It’s like that one guy at every party who won’t shut up about cryptocurrency and keeps trying to sell you on his NFT collection of procedurally generated squirrels wearing monocles, and honestly I may even be partial to it cause, well… You’ve read my most recent emails.
Anywho…
“But Stephen,” you say, “AI is the future! It’s learning! It’s evolving!”
Yeah, so did velociraptors in Jurassic Park, and we all know how that turned out.
(Spoiler alert: Badly. For everyone. Especially the guy on the toilet.)
The cold hard and hilariously championed AI-Bro truth is: These systems aren’t protecting art or artists. They’re protecting corporate interests with all the precision of a drunk rhinoceros in a china shop. And every time one of these companies implements some half-baked AI solution, it’s like watching someone try to perform surgery with a chainsaw. (Imagine giving a toddler a chainsaw in this situation lol)
Sure, you’ll remove something, but probably not the thing you were aiming for.
So if I’ve got any indie devs reading this and to all the indie devs caught in this garbage fire…
I see you. We see you. And to Funko and every other company thinking about letting AI be their bouncer or menace to others.
Maybe try using actual humans with actual understanding of actual creative work instead of the digital equivalent of a bloodhound that can’t tell the difference between a legitimate game and a picture of a ham sandwich.
Robots aren’t coming for our jobs. They’re coming for our sanity and we all know it’s a pattern of automated fuckery.
[As always, this is Stephen, your friendly neighbourhood doom-prophet at stphnwlkr.com, reminding you that the future is now, and it’s wearing a dunce cap.]