(This ended up being another one of those thick boi emails but I’m not gonna apologise for it)
I know what I’m about to say next sounds manipulative as hell, but stick with me because understanding this shit is the difference between being a starving artist and being an artist who can actually pay rent.
So whether you sling digital ink for a business, create paintings, poetry, music or anything. This little concept can change the way you do and put work out into the world.
This is also the type of thing a buddy of mine throws at me and tries to get me to spill the beans on all of these psychological tactics and principles.
Thing of it this way. Your audience or clients audience don’t really want to “buy” your thing. Deep down, they want to latch on and fall in love with it AND you. Not romantically (well, sometimes romantically, but that’s a whole different can of psychological worms)
Yeah yeah. It’s already sounding weird but stay with me.
They want to feel like they know you. Like you’re friends. Like you give a shit about them as individual human beings instead of walking wallets with credit cards.
I promise you if you visit any online job boards or social media platforms, that’s all you’ll see. The people treating you like a walking wallet with unlimited credit cards inside of it. Artists pitching their warez 24/7 without really caring about anything else…
This whole thing is called parasocial bonding, and it’s the most powerful tool in your creative arsenal that nobody talks about because it sounds vaguely gross when you say it out loud.
And the wild thing is. It’s happening whether you’re aware of it or not.
The question is whether you’re going to understand and leverage it, or whether you’re going to stumble around in the dark while other artists eat your lunch.
“Stephen but wtf is parasocial bonding??”
Well well well, if it isn’t you being curious now, eh?
Parasocial relationships are one sided emotional connections that people form with media figures. It’s why people feel genuine grief when a celebrity dies, or why they get legitimately angry when their favourite YouTuber does something stupid as shit.
Your brain doesn’t really distinguish between someone you see regularly on a screen and someone you see regularly in person. The same emotional circuits fire. The same attachment patterns activate. The same neurochemical bonds form.
This isn’t new though.
People have been forming parasocial relationships with authors, musicians, and actors for centuries. What’s new is social media giving every artist the ability to cultivate these relationships directly, consistently, and at scale.
And holy shit, most artists/creatives/marketers are terrible at it.
They treat social media like a billboard instead of a conversation.
They post their art and disappear. They share finished products without showing the process. They maintain professional distance when their audience is craving personal connection.
Meanwhile, the folk who understand parasocial bonding are building armies of fans who will buy anything they create, defend them against criticism, and evangelise their work to everyone they know.
And the secret weapon honestly is just more exposure.
There’s a cute little bias we have which is called the exposure effect.
People develop preferences for things they’re familiar with. The more someone sees your face, hears your voice, and experiences your personality, the more they’ll like you, assuming you’re not a complete shitweasel about it.
This is why pop songs get stuck in your head and gradually become enjoyable even if you hated them at first. It’s why you start liking coworkers you initially found annoying. It’s why arranged marriages often develop into genuine love over time.
Your brain interprets familiarity as safety, and safety as likability.
For artists, this means consistent, regular contact with your audience isn’t just about staying visible.
You need to gradually become someone they genuinely care about.
But here’s where most people fuck it up.
They think consistency means posting the same type of content over and over.
Wrong.
Consistency means showing up as the same person, with the same personality, values, and voice. (This is a deeper topic and could probably rival the thick boi meaty as hell email I sent out yesterday)
Now I’m all about not making people come across like sociopaths (Even though there are a lot of them in the online space…) but here’s how you can build this type of relationship without all of the ick and the gross that it may come attached with…
First, let’s address the elephant in the room…
Yes, this feels manipulative. You’re consciously engineering emotional connections for business purposes. That’s… kind of fucked up when you put it that way.
But here’s the thing…
Authentic parasocial relationships benefit both sides. Your audience gets entertainment, inspiration, and a sense of connection. You get support, feedback, and the ability to make a living from your art.
The key is being genuinely yourself, not performing a character designed to manipulate people.
Authenticity scales. Performance doesn’t. (That’s probably the most important thing you should remember and can take to the bank)
So this is how I do it.
Share your process not just your product/s
Stop posting finished art with generic captions like “New piece! What do you think?”
Instead, show:
Your workspace and how it evolves.
The mistakes, false starts, and problem solving moments.
Your inspiration sources and how they translate into work.
The emotional journey of creating something from nothing. (Don’t get me started on this. I can write a 900 page book on this topic alone)
Your struggles with perfectionism, creative blocks, and self doubt. (Self doubt the one that really screws with us. It shows them that we are in fact human and not an alien or whatever)
Don’t get me wrong. People like seeing what you made but they want to understand how you think too.
They want to feel like they’re part of the creative journey, not just consumers at the end of it.
Be consistently vulnerable. (Just don’t trauma dump)
Share your real thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Talk about what’s inspiring you, what’s challenging you, what’s pissing you off about the art/business world.
Just don’t use your audience as free therapy. There’s a difference between authentic vulnerability and emotional dumping.
Good vulnerability sounds a little something like this:
“I’ve been struggling with perfectionism lately, which is why this piece took three times longer than usual. Anyone else get stuck in the ‘it’s not good enough’ loop?”
Trauma dumping sounds like:
“My ex husband destroyed my confidence and now I can’t create anything because I’m too depressed and my therapist says I have attachment issues probably stemming from that one time in 1994 when I was left alone at theme park until the bats came flying past…”
One invites connection and empathy. The other makes people uncomfortable and creates emotional labour for your audience.
Create inside jokes and shared references.
Develop recurring themes, catchphrases, or visual elements that your audience can recognise and reference. This creates a sense of insider knowledge and community belonging. Memes work well too and even if you’ve got a bit of a twisted sense of humour, you’d be surprised how many people bond to you because of that.
Isn’t it weird that we all love some sort of “horror” aspect?
Maybe you always name your brushes. Maybe you have a studio cat who photobombs your process videos. Maybe you rate your creative struggles using a ridiculous scale.
These seemingly small details become part of your brand personality and give your audience ways to feel “in” on something special.
Another big one is also just responding to comments as if you were friends.
Don’t just heart comments or give generic “thank you!” responses.
Actually engage. Ask follow up questions. Remember details people share about their lives. Acknowledge repeat commenters by name.
Your audience is giving you their attention.
Which is the most valuable thing they possess and if you know Gary V. That mfers has been on about this for nearly two decades.
The least you can do is treat them like individual humans instead of a faceless mass.
You also need to share your opinions and values but in a thoughtful and non malicious way.
People bond with people who stand for something. Don’t be so worried about alienating potential customers that you become a personality free content robot.
Share your thoughts on:
The art world and industry trends.
Creative process and your core philosophy
Issues that matter to you (without turning every post into a political manifesto, which honestly within the last few weeks on every platform has been so fucking exhausting to witness…)
Other artists’ work you admire or find problematic.
You can have strong opinions without being an asshole about them.
Nuance and respect make your views more compelling, not less.
Now there’s also a darkside to parasocial relationships and I’d be a dumbass not to at least mention it…
cause ignoring them doesn’t make them go away.
Some people will develop unhealthy attachments. They’ll expect more access to your time and attention than is reasonable. They’ll take your artistic choices personally. They’ll feel entitled to influence your creative decisions.
You’ll occasionally attract people who confuse parasocial intimacy with actual intimacy. They’ll overshare, cross boundaries, or develop romantic fantasies about your relationship.
And honestly? Sometimes you’ll feel like you’re performing emotional labour for strangers instead of creating art. The constant need to be “on” and engaging can be exhausting.
These problems exist whether you’re conscious of parasocial dynamics or not. Understanding them at least gives you tools to manage them effectively.
The most important thing too is to set boundaries to protect your sanity.
You can cultivate parasocial relationships without sacrificing your mental health or creative freedom.
Be clear about your availability and response times.
Don’t feel obligated to share every detail of your personal life.
Remember that you’re not responsible for managing other people’s emotions.
Take breaks from social media when you need them.
Create separate spaces for different types of content. (personal vs. professional)
Remember. This is all just part of the long game of creating and doing good work.
Building genuine parasocial relationships takes time. Don’t expect instant results or try to force connections that aren’t natural.
When it works. When you’ve built an audience of people who genuinely care about you and your work. They won’t just be your regular customers, they’ll become advocates They’ll support your work through rough patches, defend you against criticism, and help you reach new audiences through word of mouth.
They’ll buy your warez not just because they like it, but because they like you. They want to support your success. They feel invested in your journey.
That’s also worth more than any transaction or follow count.
This whole game is about connection.
Everything you do matters. Journey, perspective, whatever. It’s all wrapped up into this single process.
And as long as you’re consistent with it all, genuine in your approach and truly care. You’ll kick ass.
The mere exposure effect will handle the rest.
Stephen Walker.
P.S. If you’re worried that being strategic about parasocial relationships makes you a fake or a sellout, remember this…
Every successful artist/creative/thinker in history has had to figure out how to connect with their audience. The tools have changed, but the fundamental challenge remains the same. It’s all about effective communication at the end of the day.