But honestly.
In a lot of the cases. Pets are just better than humans.
Pets don’t ghost you.
They don’t slide into your DMs with passive aggressive bullshit.
They just… exist. Pure, unfiltered loyalty wrapped in fur or scales or whatever the fuck you’ve adopted.
(That reminds me. I need to get another snake…)
Think about it. Humans?
We’re a mess. A writhing, seething mass of contradictions and ego and that one friend who always “forgets” their wallet.
Pets on the other hand? Straightforward as a gut punch.
There’s no judgement. Just pure vibes. You come home smelling like regret and cheap whiskey?
Your dog doesn’t give a flying fuck. Doesn’t lecture you about your “choices” or post cryptic stories on whatever platform shading your ass.
Nah, that tail wags like it’s the second coming.
Humans? They’ll dissect your soul over brunch, turning your hangover into a therapy session you didn’t sign up for.
(I know we’ve all had those before)
Pets don’t cheat, don’t lie, don’t borrow your Netflix password and then change it out of spite. They love you unconditionally.
Ever had a cat curl up on your lap during a panic attack? That’s real.
Humans? Wired for transactions. Which sucks, eh?
Humans transform, too, but in the worst ways…
That slow rot of betrayal, the way a lover’s touch turns clammy and cold after the honeymoon phase, like your skin’s crawling with invisible worms or something.
Pets? Their changes are honest.
Puppy to old dog, all wrinkles and wisdom, no facade.
They consume your time, sure. But in a metaphorical feast that’s nourishing, not this vampiric suck fest humans pull where they drain your emotional reserves and leave you hollowed out. Staring at a phone for a text that never arrives…
(Pro tip for writers out there: If you’re crafting a character arc about addiction or recovery, model it on a pet’s loyalty. Unwavering, even when you’re at your lowest, puking up last night’s mistakes. Humans? They’d bail, or worse, enable you with a shared bottle.)
Imagine the apocalypse hits (again, pandemics are so 2020, but they’re evergreen now)
And you’re hunkered down with your cat while society crumbles. Fido doesn’t care about supply chains or mask mandates; he just wants belly rubs.
Pets forgive. Humans grudge. Pets play. Humans scheme. Pets heal your soul with a wet nose…
Humans shatter it with a single word. Repetition for emphasis: Better. Better. Better…until suddenly, not.
And that’s the magic.
Cause every once in a blue moon. Amid the sea of fuck ups and flakes.
You find that one human who matches you. Not mirrors, not echoes, but matches.
The kind that strikes and ignites without burning everything down. It’s pure alchemy, turning leaden loneliness into gold.
No lists needed here. It’s visceral, like finally biting into a ripe fruit after a diet of ash.
They get your weird, your dark, your profane rants at 3 AM.
They laugh at the horror, hold you through the transformations, consume your stories without judgment.
That’s transcendent magic. The kind that makes all the rest worth the gamble.
And if you both happen to have pets together. Well my friend. You’ve hit the lotto.
Stephen Walker.