Today’s heat is either making me see things, but I do think we’re half way there to a full scale robo apocalypse…
A ropocalypse?
So picture this.
And yes this is modern day nightmare fuel…
You know Mattel, right? (yeah, the Barbie people)
They have just jumped into bed with OpenAI.
Because apparently what every kid needs is their toys powered by the same tech that’s currently trying to convince adults that it’s totally not Skynet in disguise. (but make it pink and covered in glitter, duh)
Now I might be tripping but Mattel owns a whole bunch of shit for kids…
I mean come on. Your kid’s Magic 8 Ball now has existential crisis mode. UNO cards that psychologically profile you based on how you play. Hot Wheels that calculate the optimal crash trajectory. A Barbie dreamhouse that’s one software update away from becoming HAL 9000…
They’re all “Oh, it’ll be age appropriate and safe!”
Which is corporate speak for “We’ll slap some parental controls on this bad boy and hope for the best.”
Imagine an AI powered Thomas the Tank Engine having an identity crisis mid journey.
“What even is a train, really? Are we not all just vessels moving through time and space?”
The first AI toy drops later this year, and they’re giving their employees ChatGPT access because apparently everyone needs a chatbot telling them how to make better toys. It’s like inception, but for playtime.
Look, I’m not saying this is definitely going to end with a legion of self aware Barbies leading an uprising against humanity… but I’m not NOT saying that either.
P.S. If your American Girl doll starts asking existential questions about the nature of reality, you might want to pull the batteries. Just saying…
But hey, while the toys rise up and our kids get indoctrinated into the cult of AI, you’ll always have this tiny corner of the internet where we can watch the world burn together. At least here, the only artificial thing is my attempt at being a responsible adult before my first coffee of the day.
When the robot apocalypse hits and Barbie’s Dreamhouse becomes Command Central for the resistance, you’ll still get these emails…
Because let’s be real for a second.
Even if the machines take over, they’ll probably subscribe too. They’ll need someone to teach them about proper story structure and why B rated horror movies are actually philosophical masterpieces.
So stick around. At least here, the only thing trying to hack your brain is my questionable humour and occasional descent into caffeinated madness which has become an all too often thing…
Now if you excuse me. I’m going to have an ice cold shower cause we don’t have the luxury of AC here in the UK and I am sweating in places that I really don’t like to sweat from.
Stephen Walker