The latest internet memesation is taking off.
Jacked up ex footballer turned life coach-guru-sauce Ashton Hall has the internet losing its shit over his morning routine.
The dude is out there taping his mouth shut like he’s prepping for a silent film audition. I mean I guess Charlie Chaplin would be kind proud?
But he’s also dunking his face in water and also rubbing banana peels all over his face like he discovered some fountain of youth.
The internet though. It’s gobbling that shit up with a spoon.
Something like over 600 million views deep on Twitter and countless rip off videos that either mock or troll him.
But it’s deeper than that.
You, me and the whole parasocial peanut gallery. We’ve got this condition see, this weird one sided love affair where we latch onto randos like Ashton and turn them into our personal soap opera stars.
He’s not just a big beefy dude. He’s OUR beefy dude and we’re invested.
You get both sides of the coin though. Openly mock or we “stan” him like the kids say…
It’s strange how we’re wired to popularity. Our monkey brains see this larger than life dude flexing his 3:50am circus routine and then suddenly we’re projecting our hopes, our insecurities, our “maybe I should get my shit together” vibes onto him like he’s a walking Rorschach test.
The effects though. Oh man. It’s just pure dopamine and delusion.
We’re out here forming imaginary bonds with a guy who doesn’t know we exist, letting his outrageous routine dictate our mood swings, our memes, our whole damn Tuesday. It’s parasocial sickness, and we’re all infected.
Look, I’m not saying Ashton’s not entertaining as hell. The man’s a walking absurdist play.
Kafka meets Muscle & Fitness or whatever.
Ashton’s cracked the code though and here’s how we can too…
Wanna build that sweet, sticky parasocial glue with your own fans and your ragtag crew? Take a page from the Ice King’s playbook. First, get loud and get weird…
Don’t just write, fling something bonkers into world, like “I drank coffee through a straw made of my own regrets”
and watch your people lean in.
Second, share the mess. Post your 3 AM word vomit drafts or a pic of your desk drowning in crumpled sticky notes; let ‘em see the human behind the keys, flaws and all, so they feel like they’re in on the ride.
Third, invite ‘em to play…
Ask your little community to pitch their own batshit ideas (“What’s your wild morning ritual?”) and riff on their answers like they’re co-conspirators. Do that, and they won’t just read you. They’ll adopt you, fight over you, meme you into their daily orbit. You’ll be their Ashton, minus the banana peel (unless that’s your thing, no judgment)
Stay unhinged,
Stephen Walker