or burn it to the ground, both outcomes beat slow death.
So you’ve got words stuck in your throat like broken glass.
The conversation you’re not having.
The one that makes your stomach do that thing. You know the thing… where it feels like you swallowed a nest of angry wasps and they’re all trying to escape through your oesophagus at once.
Maybe it’s telling your partner they handle money like a drunk teenager with their first credit card.
Maybe it’s explaining to your best friend that their constant negativity is turning them into a human black hole of joy sucking despair.
Maybe it’s having the “what the fuck are we doing here” talk with someone you’ve been pseudo dating for eight months while both of you pretend casual sex doesn’t come with emotional baggage.
Whatever it is…
You’re avoiding it because you know it might detonate everything.
Not having the conversation is already detonating everything. Just slower. Like cancer instead of a car crash.
And honestly? The car crash might be more merciful.
Every day you swallow those words, they rot inside you. Resentment builds like mould in a basement. Distance grows. The relationship becomes this performance art piece where both of you are actors who forgot their lines but keep pretending they know what they’re doing.
You think you’re protecting the relationship by keeping the peace.
You’re actually suffocating it with a pillow made of politeness and conflict avoidance.
Real relationships. The kind worth having, survive on truth, not comfort. They thrive because both people know where they fucking stand, not because they’re playing an elaborate game of emotional Twister while blindfolded.
When you consistently dodge difficult conversations, you’re not preserving the relationship. You’re preserving the ghost of a relationship. The hollow shell. The pretty corpse everyone’s too polite to bury.
Look, the fear makes sense. These conversations can absolutely torch everything you’ve built.
Sometimes they reveal incompatibilities that can’t be MacGyvered back together with good intentions and couples therapy. Sometimes they expose deal breakers that end things faster than you can say “it’s not you, it’s me” (which, by the way, is always bullshit…it’s totally you)
Sometimes they create temporary chaos that feels worse than the original problem.
But here’s what your avoidance loving brain isn’t telling you and it’s pretty damn big:
Relationships that can’t survive honest conversation aren’t worth preserving anyway.
If your relationship depends on both people pretending everything’s fine while the house burns down around you, you don’t have a relationship.
It’s more a mutual delusion society. If someone will ghost you for expressing legitimate needs and concerns, they were never truly invested in you anyway.
They were invested in the convenient version of you. The one that doesn’t have pesky things like feelings and boundaries.
I mean eeeew gross. Feelings and boundaries in this economy?
Anyways…
The difficult conversations are stress tests. They reveal who you’re really dealing with when the pretty mask slips off.
Some people will listen without immediately going into defence mode. They’ll acknowledge your perspective even when it’s uncomfortable. They’ll work with you to find solutions instead of just shooting down problems. Hell, they’ll even appreciate your honesty even when it stings.
But if you’ve been paying attention to what’s been going on in social media land the last few days with all of the horrible shit happening.
Others will in general, turn every concern into an attack on their character. Make you feel guilty for having basic human needs. Gaslight you into thinking you’re being “too sensitive” or “dramatic” (Especially if you hold views and opinions that don’t align with theirs) and they’ll shut down communication entirely because feelings are scary.
Both responses give you invaluable data about whether this relationship can evolve or whether it’s already flatlined.
This all filters down to your real life relationships, work and business and you name it.
The right people will respect you for being direct instead of passive aggressive. They’ll see difficult conversations as opportunities to understand you better, to strengthen the bond, to build something real instead of something pretty.
The wrong people will punish you for bringing up problems. They’ll weaponise your vulnerability. They’ll make you regret being honest.
And that tells you everything you need to know about their character and the relationship’s future potential.
Either way, you win. Either you get a stronger, more authentic connection, or you get clarity about why this thing isn’t working. Both outcomes beat the slow death of unaddressed issues eating your relationship from the inside out like emotional termites.
But don’t forget. How you approach these conversations matters.
Don’t ambush people with grievances like you’re a prosecuting attorney cross examining a hostile witness. Don’t make it about character assassination or ultimatums. Focus on specific behaviours and their impact. Use “I” statements instead of “you always” accusations that make people’s defences shoot up faster than Iron Dome.
Come from curiosity, not judgment. Approach it like you’re both trying to solve a puzzle together, not like you’re declaring war.
Most importantly: Actually have the fucking conversation.
Choose a time when you’re both calm and focused (not during a Netflix binge or right before someone has to leave for work)
Start with something like: “There’s something important I’d like to talk about. When would be a good time for that conversation?”
Yes, it might be awkward. Yes, it might create temporary tension. Yes, it might change everything between you.
That’s the point.
Relationships that grow are the ones where both people are willing to be uncomfortable in service of being authentic. The conversations you’re avoiding are usually the ones that either forge stronger connections or reveal why the current connection needs to end.
Both outcomes are infinitely better than the emotional purgatory of avoiding reality while everything slowly rots.
Have the conversation. Deal with the consequences. Build relationships that can handle truth.
Your future self and your cortisol levels will thank you.
And for now I’m going to get off of my soap box.
I’ve had to have a few of these conversations over the last week and thought this little brain dump might be useful for anyone who might be stuck on the side of not wanting to have a difficult conversation.
On that note as well.
I’ve also found if you have the google docs app on your phone the scroll experience is so much better.
Stephen Walker.